lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize