I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
