oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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