i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
