He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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