Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
