My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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