Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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