Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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