You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
