Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
