Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
