I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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