Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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