In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
