woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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