Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
