Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
