i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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