Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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