So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
