we're blogging at a bar
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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