Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
