I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
