i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize