I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
