he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
