Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
