I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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