her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
