Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
