believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
