Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
