the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
