I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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