Your face is a jimmy john
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
