My room smells like vodka and shame
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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