2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
