I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
