Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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