he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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