She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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