So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
