Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
