Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
