she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
