i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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