Pappa wants mamma naked
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
