She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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