i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
