I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
