my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
