you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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