I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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