Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
