found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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